ANDROGYNOUS: THE TRIGGER

People always question why.

"Why the hell that boy wanna look like a girl?"
"Is he in the right mind?"
"What would his parent think?"


Here is why I would be like this. First is somewhat of payback. I have been labeled, since I was a child. Not just by peer, but from adults as well. Just name it, pondan, sissy, sotong and what else. I have been through all that shit since I don't even know what the word sex is about. I was made to believe that I didn't worth living. I was made to believe that I wasn't normal. But a little did they know that I have never made up all my act. I have never intended to walk too grace. I have never intended to talk too soft. I have never intended to be "abnormal".

But one thing for sure, I have never been taught to give up and surrender to what people say. I was raised by great single women, therefore I can somehow relate the pain and grief of life. I learned how to push aside all those bullies and silly jokes. All these women, my late Opah, Mama and my aunts are my idol.

As I grow up, reaching adolescence and all I have changed. I learn how to walk proud and tall, I control my speech and I welcome anybody to critic me so that I am able to know what is my flaw. I keep on and am trying to be a better man.  Still there is a bit of hint that will make people notice that i am certainly not straight as what they would expected of a man. I am disappointing myself as time goes by. I just cant help being me. Why are people are so mean, can't they just accept me as who i am without any prejudice ?

I have seek acceptance from strangers. Strangers that is around me. When I go shopping. When i go to school. When I am working. All those stranger around me if you get what I mean. They keep judging and judging.

But hell with them, I keep on doing what I want. I want long hair. Not ladylike long but the cool rockstar long. So there was a period where i did not cut my hair in order to be 'cool'. After few months, there was me with a shoulder length hair. I am proud with my hair the most other than other part of me. Then the reality strikes, despite my normal attires(shirt/T-shirt & jeans) I still have this feminine face. So u can actually sums it up, girly face + long hair - flat chest = CONFUSION.

So it nudge my mind, why can't i be both ? So I did and I keep on that look for quite some time. :)



P/s : Actually i wish to upload a picture but the line was too slow i gave up. Next time folks. :P