WHAT I DEFINE BEAUTIFUL

Janelle Monae - Cold War

This is absolutely beautiful. The lyrics, the act, the emotion, this is beyond wonderful.

PEDIH,

bila kita korbankan hampir 100% hidup untuk  keluarga, tapi jadi macam bangkai.

aku tau benda benda macam ni tak perlu nak publish bagi semua orang baca. tolong paham yang aku memang dah tak de siapa lagi dah. fuck, aku memang tak gembira dengan hidup aku sekarang ni.

FB DEACTIVATION

i have deactivated my facebook account. i want to be dead, not literally dead. i just dont want to exist anymore on the net, at least not on social network website.

in the first place, why should i have a fb account ? please dont tell me because it is the "it", dont tell me because fb is the trend. i mean, fb is so ridiculuos.

people always says, when you dont have fb, its like you dont exist. so that kind of non-existance is waha i am into now.

suicide just not my thing, so let me to be "non-exist". i am so freaking tired being me.

ABANDONED

Once my life was plain and clear
I recall
Once my ignorance was bliss
Nightfall came
Like a serpent’s kiss
To my troubled mind

Why... Oh why my God
Have you abandoned me in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide

Binding promisses were made on my soul
Grand illusions lead astray
Ice cold winds swept my heart away
Bring me back to you

Why... Oh why my God
Have you abandoned me in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide

-- Helena --
I remember a song
Like in a dream
Where September was long
And winter unreal

Why... Oh why my God above
Have you abandoned me in my sobriety
Behind the old façade
I'm your bewildered child
So take me cross the river wide


p/s: Totally my life reflection!

SEPARUH GILA

Tempoh sebulan yang sangat sangat bertekanan tinggi. Aku serius dah tak larat. Penat.

Bila emosi kita penat, semua pun jadi tak betul. Semua jadi menyakitkan hati & emosi aku sangat sangat penat sekarang ni. Tunggu masa nak pitam.

Siapa yang tau cerita aku, terima kasih sebab mendengar. Siapa yang telah membantu aku, aku akan ingat sampai mati. Aku sedar, sekarang ni aku dah di tahap bunga tayar dalam roda hidup ni. Bunga tayar yang terkena tahi anjing.

Aku hidup, kene menanggung keluarga aku. Konteks keluarga disini ialah ibu dan adik. Aku berhenti belajar, bukan suka suka tapi kene membantu keluarga. Sekarang ni akulah punca rezeki. Akulah sumber kewangan utama.

Bukan salah sesiapa. Dah memang ujian hidup rasanya.